no perfect day
always rain or snow or sun
wind carries all here in its time
pull the notes among us
Thanks to my new meds, I feel okay just relaxing when I have time to myself. Which I guess is what probably what most people feel. Even though I’ve never really done much, I feel the aggravating unfulfilled need to. So I guess if someone were to look at my life, they wouldn’t see much difference.
Okay, I probably shouldn’t admit this so publicly, but about 3 weeks ago I started taking Lexapro, a medication that reduces anxiety and OCD.
Unlike my past times taking such medication, about 20 and again about 10 years ago, its side effects are minimal, maybe even all but nonexistent, and I have felt fine and sharp here at the beginning. Medicine keeps improving.
And, it has taken the edge off my continual existential concerns. The little bit of OCD I have – like going back into the house after I’ve stepped out and locked the doors to make sure my bed heating pad, the oven, the furnace, are really shut off – is taking a bit of a slower slope down.
So, I find I’m not so obsessed with keeping up the blog writing every day this year.
But, I’ve come this far – I think it will be 300 days and posts next week.
It’s really become even more a challenge. Because I see the – perhaps ‘ridiculousness’ is too strong a word – of doing anything absolutely every day.
But I still want to, with only a couple months plus to go.
five times (ocd)
turn the knob
twist the tap
test the stove
tug the latch
tip the glass
Arghhhh!! Forgot to blog today!
In other news, picked up a new med today – you’re supposed to take it in the morning, so I haven’t yet – whose side effects listing advises I seek medical help right away if upon taking it I have “vomit that looks like coffee grounds”.
I’m not even sure what that would look like. Or feel like coming up…
(No poem today – not even a poem about no poem today).
Going in to get my stent tomorrow. Even this little I’ve been dealing with, this little health concern, the past couple weeks is wearing me out. I just want to go in and get it the hell over with – admission isn’t til noon, and I can’t eat or even drink anything in the morning.
This is actually about the best of all possible outcomes – they found a problem, can work on it simply. And my heart has actually been working around the blockage. Not sure if it explains my 1/4 drop in heart pumping power (called the Ejection Fraction, as a percentage) over the last two years (but still decent for a man who’s been through what I have – the drop is more worrisome than the current point). Or if it explains my lethargy over the past year. But my blood and urine tests toward this show nothing the doctors find worth noting. No mention of high cholesterol (been taking Crestor) or encroaching diabetes.
So, an overnight in the hospital (maybe two), and I guess about a week of rest. Plan on taking off work through Monday. They may tell me something different when I am about to leave – I was surprised at the admonition not to drive for a whole week after my angiogram.
But I made the dumb move – doing something I rarely do with something medical – that is, looking up cardiac stenting. Nasty looking wire meshes – some drug-coated, others “bare metal”. But, I also see that even back in 2000 there was over 1 million angioplasties performed in the US, so I guess they’ve got enough practice.
And apparently, I should be careful with magnets for a few months afterwards.